Two by Oliver Hoffman
My Biggest Flaw Is That I Care Too Much
PETA would take this case to court much later
On the table were the shoulders and paws
Dr. Taub had dislocated
and asked the monkeys to find again.
If they weren’t crippled, how could we have known
that the etruscan nerve connects
to the galilean cortex
and thus could be stimulated through electro-convulsivity
to give amputees
back their lost limbs?
Harry Harlow: If we hadn’t placed the monkeys
in the form fitting metal cages
how could we have known
that infants want warmth and texture
from their mothers
rather than just to be left alone
and to be sustained? Tens of thousands of infants
in America would be in metal cages right now.
Coincidentally, tens of thousands of American infants
were in metal cages. But they had also begun to pull
on the chokers and hoop earrings that were becoming
more mainstream among young mothers.
Those with perfect earlobes began investing in perfect
replicas of their children called reborn dolls.
It was telling that their skin was made of plastic,
and not the terry cloth that only could have comforted
the bereaved.
Regardless, a reborn doll is rescued
from a parked car by EMTs in 2008. The mother is 40 feet away
in a job interview on the other side of the strip. A couple from California
evades charges after cocaine is found in their baby’s system.
We made a mistake,
they say in a statement. But how could we have known
what happens to a baby on cocaine?
Deaf Advocates
In the thumbnail, Mr. Beast has his arm on the shoulder of a 10-year-old boy
cupping a hearing aid with his right hand. The hearing aid is a lime green
Powerbeats Pro by Beats by Dre.
For a few of the thousand, he brings out $10,000 briefcases or a jet ski after
the procedure. These segments have titles like “Surprise” or “Gift” or “Hearing”
In the last video, a woman falls over and starts crying.
In the last video: 1,000 blind people see for the first time. Both are criticized for
creating a lottery that prevents the public demand for better American healthcare,
and the numerous clones they’ve created.
A clone tells a waitress “pick a number between 1 and 10,000.” Her eyes light up,
She says, “10,000.” Then the clone and cameraman laugh, and they get up and
leave.
The star of Bumfights, Rufus Hannah, was lifted out of poverty and alcoholism
after jump starting his career by running headfirst into an intermodal container,
a move which allowed him to die at 63 as a homeless rights advocate, with
a wife and 4 kids.
A landmark in exploitative journalism. A thread from DataLounge.com claims
Judge Judy hates poor people. Jerry Springer is asked if his liberal views have
changed since he was the mayor of Cincinnati due to the Jerry Springer show.
He says, The Jerry Springer you see on TV is invented, he’s my persona. You
wouldn’t blame an actor for playing Hitler, would you? He says,
The deaf havens begin as islands of self sufficient, predominantly deaf communities
in which deafness is built into the art, the architecture, and the civil defense sirens.
To cure a child’s deafness, argue the deaf advocates, is to forcefully remove them
from a culture they have a right to, regardless of the wishes of their parents.
Jerry Springer continues,
A deaf baby is born in a hospital near here and they have the Cochlear implants on standby.
In the deaf heaven, the lights flash to announce the doorbell, the arrival of a good friend
in the doorway, and the silent auditorium is awash with hands shaking,
the tapering flesh tongues of vowels and syllables, palms like the pink flesh
of a Conch shell, the huge sound of the ocean, the Deaf paradise, that which
can be inserted or taken out of the ear…
If we aren’t curing hearing, or sight,
then why cure deafness? Why cure a homosexual or a leper…
Take care of yourself and each other, I’m Jerry Springer.
Oliver Hoffman (he/him) is a tenth-grader at the Kinder High School for the Performing and Visual Arts in Houston, TX.